Hello world

Well, to start my blog with total honesty, I should tell you that I just had to reference Wikipedia to know if there was a comma in the standard "Hello world" or not. Should I have known that there was no comma? Maybe, but then how many people know about "Hello world" anyway? I'm already among the few who know what I'm talking about.

I started this blog tonight because there are too many things going on in my mind that I can't really talk to anyone about. Sure, my wife is willing to listen to me, and I might have a friend or two who I'd feel comfortable sharing this with, but it's damn hard to communicate exactly what's going on in my mind. It just takes too long and I don't really feel that safe. One option would be to write this stuff down in some kind of diary. Well, I want people to see it. I'm not brave and secure enough yet to attach my real name to my writing, but it might happen someday. I want your feedback. I want to know what kind of a person I've become and what this means for my future life, and I want to be OK with it.

So, here's the short story. The long story is pretty long. The short story is that I was a hardcore, dedicated, sincere, passionate Christian for the first 20 years of my life. I didn't want to give away my age, but I guess it's necessary; I'm 22. There was kind of a fading-out time sometime between the years of 19-21, where I questioned my faith more and more, and doubted it increasingly. Finally in May of 2009, when I was 21, I sent an email to my parents and wife explaining that I couldn't believe in God anymore. Since then things haven't changed a lot in most ways. A few things are pretty different. What I hope to explore here are the inner workings of what happened to me, and what my decision means for me now.

I have to laugh at myself a little bit; this whole "anonymous blogger" and "honest thoughts of one mind" and "My real self" business makes me look like some kind of emo girl. I hate that idea. Well, who cares? It is what it is.

Anyway, I hope you find my posts entertaining, reasonable, and sincere. I would love to hear from you, no matter what you have to say to me. My aim is to be as open about my state as possible. It might get a bit graphic at times, because in some ways I'm an eccentric fucker. Do you know how weird it feels to say "fucker"? Well, I'm going to do it, because it's my blog, and I can, and I felt like it.

Upon further review, it looks like sometimes there is a comma in "Hello world", and sometimes there isn't. Among other variations. That's natural. Usually there is no easy answer to a question. Usually if there are 2 popular, polarized views on a topic, the truth is somewhere in the middle, or the truth is not provable. Just look at Republican/conservative vs. Democrat/liberal, global warming, religion vs. atheism, etc. People love to just dive into one popular stance, immerse their thinking in that line of thought, never consider any facts, and spew out their brainwashed opinions so loudly that they can't hear anyone else. It's total bullshit. If it were really so cut and dry, everyone would be on that side, or at least a vast majority. Expect that to be a major theme in my blog, because it's important to me.

Well, what do I sign my posts? Perhaps I don't need to sign them. I feel like I should sign them. I am going to sign them "-0" (that's a hyphen and a zero) because zero is my favorite number, and it represents pretty well my inclination toward neutrality. How can you be any more neutral than 0? It's the balancing point between the two infinities. The only number of its type.

-0