Concept 1

Tonight I will introduce you to one of the concepts that led to the loss of my faith.

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to make a very coherent story of my life. I'm probably just going to post shorter thoughts, which together make up the larger theme of me. That's the idea of a blog, right?
I also want to clarify that this is not going to be a "oh pity me, my life is so sad" kind of blog. Don't worry. I know it was going there on my last post. I apologize. I'll apologize this time, but now I'm done apologizing for it.

The basic premise is this: as a Christian, you're taught that Christianity is truth, and everything else is darkness. "Obviously", you might say. Well, what I'm saying is that I was convinced that Christianity was the "default" religion. If there is a God, it is the Christian God. If you want to seek truth, you go to him. Furthermore, every human knows this, innately! It's a universal default. If you are something other than a Christian, you haven't really chosen something else, you've rejected Christianity and its God, and that is how you are defined. Therefore, it is fair to send every non-Christian in the world to Hell, because they knew the truth, and rejected it.

What I started to realize was that I basically only believed that way because it was brainwashed into me growing up. I went to Sunday school, where you are told, it IS this way. It's a fact. A child's mind is very malleable; I remember that if my mom or dad told me something, it was truth. Bob Dole WAS better than Bill Clinton, end of story, my parents told me so. Evolution was a hoax, my uncle told me so. So, of course this religion was close to my heart and embedded in my thoughts, and I believed it was the universal default.

(Now I wish to make the distinction that my whole faith wasn't based on this brainwashing. No, I chose to pursue it for myself once I came of age. I thought about it and I decided it was my own. I learned about it for myself and pursued this "relationship" with God. It was my whole life. I would have taken a bullet rather than deny it, because the concept of heaven was so real to me that I viewed my life on Earth as just one blink compared to eternity in heaven. I wanted to be a missionary in China or N Korea or Southeast Asia or...)

Anyway, I started to think about this question: what if I had been born in Saudi Arabia? Or, China? Or, India? To Muslim, or atheist, or Hindu parents? My reality and defaults would have been totally different. The conclusion that you have to trust in Jesus to get to heaven would have seemed totally absurd. Maybe I never would have heard of him. I could have been a dedicated Muslim, maybe even a suicide bomber. I understand that kind of zeal.

That's why Christians feel (in theory) that missions work is so important... if people aren't exposed to Jesus's story, they're going to Hell. It just doesn't make any sense to me. No amount of Bible reading and sermons and lectures could cause this to make sense to me. Why would God create a race where we're automatically going to Hell unless we get saved? Why would he base an eternity of blessing or punishment on the actions we take in a few years here, when we don't all have the same opportunity to hear about him? Why would we all inherit a sinful nature just because Adam and Eve sinned? Why did he even let them fall away from him?

The standard response is, "God let mankind have a choice because he loved us. We had to have the choice to follow him or not, otherwise we'd be like mindless robots serving him, and that's not real freedom and love." Well, if God made the universe, and love, then why did he have to give mankind that choice? Was he bound by the rules of love, before he created love?

What do you think is the "saved" rate all throughout the history of humanity? 5%? Why would God see any beauty or justice in creating a world where 95% of people will not know him, and then be condemned to torture forever?

I am tired of hearing from Christians who "know" that their way is correct. Bullshit, you don't know it. You "know" it the same way that militant Muslims "know" that they must carry out jihad. Do you think they believe it any less than you believe what you do? Lots of people have the illusion of absolute knowledge. I'm not one of them.

What has become apparent to me is that "default" or "neutral" is simply to have no faith in any god or religion. Isn't it just obvious? Christians would have me believe that believing in no god is not neutral, but a choice against the true God, a rejection of truth. Look, the day that God wants to actually do something that evidences his existence, I will be more than happy to reconsider. And according to everything I believed, God is constantly working in my heart to draw me to him, but I have NEVER felt it, even when begging and crying for him on my knees in a ditch. Until then, what reason should I have for believing in it? All I have to go off is my own experience. Every religion has its strong believers, its holy books, its geographical region of majority, so I don't find those things to be very convincing factors.

This post is long, and rough, but I'm not sorry. If you can't read it all, that's your problem. You should try to understand what I'm saying, because it's important. Thanks for taking the time to listen to me; I look forward to hearing from you.

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